Relationships

Hi Margaret Ruth, I just wanted to let you know that I really respect you and your work. Do you have anything on dealing with heartbreak when a relationship with mutual love breaks up for other reasons? I'm really in a low spot right now and any words would be helpful. I've been through this enough to know it's just as immediate and painful each time, but that there really is an end in sight, however things end up going.

We might all be aware, thanks to the plethora of relationship advice available in our culture, of the multitudinous ways we can mentally, physically and psychologically mess up our most important relationships though our words and actions. For instance, I was intrigued by a recent Cosmopolitan article (It was for research purposes. Really!) that listed some common relationships saboteurs and these were interesting and possibly even helpful.

 Recently, I commented on Facebook that my Kleenex box announces that it is “Now Softer and Stronger!” which sounds pretty enlightened to me. My friend Traci responded that it was too bad that people didn’t come with obvious announcements like that. In this area I have a small (almost unnoticeable I think sometimes) advantage because I read people professionally. It is an interesting idea though.

Psychic Margaret Ruth answered a reader's question about how to finally experience really great, long lasting relationships.

Margaret: First of all thanks for the great advice! I like reading your blog and your postings here a lot! So I had a question about friendship. I see people with lifelong friends and friends that have been around forever, but I have never experienced that. So I'm wondering: how I can make my relationships with friends more permanent? Thanks - C.C. Salt Lake City, UT

Dear Margaret,

You usually answer relationship questions without breaking down specific recommendations for male/male, female/female or female/male combinations. I think it would be interesting to see how advice might be different for these. What do you think about doing that sometimes? – C I think I would be very interested in seeing that too, and I am smiling as I type that. One reason for my interest is that I am gender stupid. I mean it. I can read personality really, really well (am damn accurate is what I am saying), but cannot usually tell the gender.

There is an American myth that two halves can come together in a loving relationship and become whole. However, contrary to cultural myths, close intimate relationships are not additive, where one half plus one half equals one. Close relationships are actually multiplicative. It is the whole Jerry McQuire myth problem: “You Complete Me!” This is all utter nonsense.

Margaret,

I was just reading your blog about self-awareness and communication. Are there some more specific "homework" type things I can do? I need a lot of work. I have been in counseling for awhile and feel stuck. I am hoping to come get a couples reading sometime! I love reading your posts. You have an excellent way of explaining things! Thanks for your info!

Carla

Hi Margaret Ruth, I feel really confused. I just recently broke up with a long term boyfriend (one that I knew would not be one I was going to keep). Two weekends ago though I was out and I looked over at the bartender and realized I knew him from years ago. We used to work together. So I went over and asked if it was him. Jerik grabbed my hand, held it the whole time, and we talked and caught up for a while. There was instant chemistry and my heart had a tug I haven't felt for a long time.