Break up

Hi Margaret Ruth, I just wanted to let you know that I really respect you and your work. Do you have anything on dealing with heartbreak when a relationship with mutual love breaks up for other reasons? I'm really in a low spot right now and any words would be helpful. I've been through this enough to know it's just as immediate and painful each time, but that there really is an end in sight, however things end up going.

Dearest Margaret, My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago because he is moving back to his country, Argentina. I feel that I love him and therefore I need to let him go do what he needs to do in his life. My problem is that there are times when I feel I need him and miss him so much that I lose this balance of surrender; sometimes I am overwhelmed with my emotions and miss him terribly and this causes an ache and sadness in my life. My question is how do I deal with the sadness of his absence in my life?

There is an American myth that two halves can come together in a loving relationship and become whole. However, contrary to cultural myths, close intimate relationships are not additive, where one half plus one half equals one. Close relationships are actually multiplicative. It is the whole Jerry McQuire myth problem: “You Complete Me!” This is all utter nonsense.

Hi Margaret Ruth, I feel really confused. I just recently broke up with a long term boyfriend (one that I knew would not be one I was going to keep). Two weekends ago though I was out and I looked over at the bartender and realized I knew him from years ago. We used to work together. So I went over and asked if it was him. Jerik grabbed my hand, held it the whole time, and we talked and caught up for a while. There was instant chemistry and my heart had a tug I haven't felt for a long time.

(My friend Lara wrote a very insightful post on break ups.  It is so good, I am reprinting it here. Thanks Lara for taking your time to write this) Here are my thoughts about pining for the ex. A wise person once told me any breakup is little different from a death. People build up, as you said in a later post, habits, things both wanted and unwanted.