Feeling Rejected – And Turning it into a Positive

I would greatly appreciate any insights into this you may have for me. In the past few months, I met two guys online and decided to also meet them in person. Anyway, in the end both of them did not think we were a good match even though things seemed to have gone quite well. I just hate this feeling of rejection even when I put my heart on the line. I feel totally happy with myself so I am not thinking I am not good enough and all that sort of thing etc. So not sure what the problem is here.

M. A.

London, UK.

Hi M.A. – and thank you for writing me.

Many of us can keenly relate to your feelings of rejection when too many people in too short a time indicate they don’t think there is a match.  Whether it is dating, product selling or job hunting, it is sometimes easier to get discouraged then try and remain positive in the face of too many “no”s.

However, I am assigning you the task of staying positive nonetheless. You have no choice really. To make what other people think about you more important than what you think of you will diminish your self confidence, hurt your self esteem and weaken your self assurance.  Since no one ever reaches universal popularity, depending upon all the others to like us before we like ourselves is to doom ourselves to fear, loneliness and insecurity for the rest of our lives.

And I do not want you, or anyone reading this, to do that.

I have a better idea. Your job is to take advantage of the dating experiences you have had and turn them into opportunities to learn more about yourself.  Every time you feel rejected, lonely or disappointed, get a journal or notebook out.  Record what is going on with you and locate the parts of your self that are still critical, fearful or insecure.  You might recall that I posted a Listen to Your Symphony exercise on my website blog and on Intent.com a few months ago; try that or something like it because you will need to not only hear your main thoughts, but also your emotions and beliefs and assumptions and, well, everything. I want you to fully understand how complex you are.

The next step after locating parts of you that are insecure is to find ways to calm these down. A person who thinks she is too shy, for instance, can start looking at that issue from a variety of emotional, mental, physical and metaphysical perspectives.  Someone else who might not feel “attractive” or “rich” or “something” enough can also apply those perspectives to develop a better sense of why he or she continues to carry around thoughts that are harmful to personal esteem and confidence.  Those are just small examples. However, I hope they convey somewhat how to make use of these difficult feelings for your future benefit.

You claim to like yourself (GOOD!) but still feel rejected and sad at the two men not having chemistry. That means that some part of you is insecure about your self worth. You still need to look at some unhelpful beliefs that were instilled in you when you were young. Some of your traditional upbringing  has helped you quite a bit and some of it has hurt you. It is tricky with you because you are going to have to do a bit more sorting of what is true for you and what isn’t before you can have one of those Healthy, Joyful Whole relationships I am always talking about. Make sure you re-read my Four Worst Romantic Relationship Myths article on my Huffington Post blog from earlier this year so you can get going on understanding what is really true about them.

Keep reaching for the positive outlook and keep taking advantage of these situations to feel and get better and before you know it – you will be enjoying positive experiences in your life.

Questions, comments and ideas are welcome and encouraged. Contact Psychic Margaret Ruth on her Facebook page, email mr@margaretruth.com or call 801-575-7103. You can also get details on private readings, Margaret’s classes and blog at www.margaretruth.com. Margaret Ruth has been on radio, television, published in newspapers and magazines and major websites. She is the author of Superconscious Connections: The Simple Psychic Truths of Perfectly Satisfying Relationships (Sept 2010 from O Books Publishing, o-books.com).